OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT

Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee

Reviewed By: Kid Nougat Location: Exchange Place Place, Jersey City OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Hershey's Milk Chocolate Kisses PRICE: $.60 WEIGHT: 1.55 oz. DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: Milk chocolate chunks deliciously wrapped in silver foil, topped off (artistically) by a thin white flag with "KISSES" printed in sky blue. You'll recognize it faster than your own name! SNACK LOOKS LIKE: Three-dimensional brown tear drops. SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10): 10 (Kisses are perfect - end of story)

UPSIDE:

Availability. Go into any store that sells snacks - ANY STORE - and Kisses'll be on the menu. If you find yourself in a store that doesn't have Kisses, please notify WASAW immediately. A store without Kisses is unacceptable. Feel free to call Figaroo at home (collect, if you like), anytime, day or night, at 1-201-555-FIGG. Fig LIVES for customer service.

DOWNSIDE:

Constantly having to ball up the wrappers. If there's no trash nearby, it's a pain in the neck. How many times have you found an old Kiss wrapper in a jacket pocket? More than once, right? If so, please call Figaroo at 1-201-555-FIGG.

1ST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Sugar
Milk
Cocoa Butter
Chocolate

LAST 4 INGREDIENTS:

Cocoa Butter
Chocolate
Soya Lecithin
Vanillin (criminals who steal ice cream aren't villains, they're vanillins)

PACKAGING:

The silver foil rules! A stroke of genius, as long as there's a trashcan nearby. You gotta love unwrapping each one - it helps pace your snacking rhythm.

DO I EAT THEM NAKED?

That's private business.

ARE THEY BETTER THAN ACTUAL KISSES?

Depends on who you're kissing. And WHAT you're kissing. Boss's ass?
Hershey's wins out. Your girlfriend's ass? Well, YOU make the call!

SUM UP YOUR EXPERIENCE IN THREE WORDS OR LESS: Kiss me, Kate!

 

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