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Taco Bell Caramel Apple Empanada

OFFICIAL SNACK REPORT
Sanctioned By WASAW Snack Committee

Reviewed By: Paddy O'Poppycock Location: Some mall in Jersey OFFICIAL NAME OF SNACK: Taco Bell Caramel Apple Empanada DESCRIPTION OF SNACK: Let's get one thing straight right away - here's a brief description of an empanada as it's made in such countries as Argentina and Brazil. Taco Bell's version - like everything Taco Bell does - is tailored to Americans' tastes. Meaning, sweeter, deep fried, and about as healthy as a brick of lard on a hot summer day. Also, it's F'in delicious. Here's all you really need to know - Taco Bell's empanada is basically McDonald's original apple pie served in the 1970s and '80s until the restaurant chain started getting sued left and right because the pie's filling was burning the mouths of, well, everyone. It was referred to - at least in my neck of the woods - as McDonald's Hot Lava Pie. But what made the dessert - and now The Bell's empanada - such a delicious treat is the deep-fried dough, complete with craters and air bubbles, holding inside it a sweet apple filling with chunks of apple. SSI RATING (SNACK SATISFACTION INDEX - 1-10):  9

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION: I'm not sure you can say there's any real "nutrition" in this dessert, but here's a detailed nutritional summary of the empanada.

UPSIDE:

No joke - the first time I tried Taco Bell's empanada, I started tearing up. Not because the apple filling was searing a hole through my tongue (it wasn't), but a childhood staple had re-entered my life, and with it the hope for a new tomorrow. Or at least a new empanada tomorrow.

Yes, no one was a bigger fan of McDonald's hot apple pies than little Paddy O' Poppycock. Those who know me will tell you I'm a relatively patient individual. I learned such patience not from my parents nor my teachers. I learned it from McDonald's hot apple pies. Once you bit off the end of one and oxygen finally reached the hot apple magma filling, you had to wait up to three minutes before you could safely take a bite of the pie and apple filling together. Americans can't wait three minutes. Which is why many of them burnt their tongues. And then sued, forcing McDonald's to stop selling the pies, and killing the dreams of little Paddy O' Poppycock at the same time. Bastards.

So after a considerable amount of time, good ol' Taco Bell figured they'd come along and change the McDonald's original apple pie shape a tad so it resembled the empanada (Spanish for "McDonald's hot apple pie"), only the apple filling would be served warm, not scorching. Well done, Taco Bell.

DOWNSIDE:

        You cannot find Taco Bell empanadas in your office vending machine.
 

PACKAGING:

The empanada comes in a white paper bag and includes a strip of clear plastic so you can see the goodness lying inside. Not bad.
 

DO YOU RECOMMEND THIS SNACK? (YES/NO - EXPLAIN):

Absolutely.

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